She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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