I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
