If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Randomize
