Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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