WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
