I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
