Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
