Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
