trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
