Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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