How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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