I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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