i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
he was CRYING into my vagina
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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