saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
