I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
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its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
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I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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