hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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