Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize