he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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