I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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