Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
