I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
