I skipped work to stalk him.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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