I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Are we still banned from the library?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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