If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
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I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
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When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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