You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
