I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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