I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
