Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
