Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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