Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
