people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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