Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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