erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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