I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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