I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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