my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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