Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I don't want my vagina anymore.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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