I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
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