I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
