Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
