he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Randomize