do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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