You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
