Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
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