i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
