Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
