Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
