i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
