Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
