I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
It's just like the Real World with babies
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Randomize
