I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
