When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
