omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
