Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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