i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
