Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
