$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
