Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize